12 Types of Facebook Users.

  1. The Minute to Minute Updater 

This person will flood your newsfeed with incessant status updates about irrelevant details of their lives. Do I look like I care about what you had for breakfast? Or do I seem overtly interested in who accompanied you to the loo in movie interval? No, jeez.

  1. The DP King/Queen 

This person changes their DP twice a week. On weeks they feel narcissistic, they will change their DP twice a DAY. They are usually unremarkable selfies, with Googled quotes, with the profound element that’s definitely not required in a blurry photo of said self in their bathroom mirror.

  1. The “Photographer” 

This person is likely to have a “*Insert Name* Photography” page on Facebook, that they shall force you to lookup and like. They shall tag you in their million photos of bug eyes, and black and whites shots of poor people. Guess what, brother? If the photos are actually good, we shall appreciate it ourselves. Also, go easy on the watermarks, mate. You   give the sincere photographers/photo enthusiasts a bad name.

  1. The one who still types ‘lyk dis’ 

2005 is in the past. Text messaging no longer has 140 character constraints. You are typing in English, not Bingo. Get over it. Get a dictionary, learn all the spellings from scratch, do us all a long due favour.

  1. The random photo tagger 

Ever wake up in the morning, check your social media account to find yourself tagged in a picture of a kitten, or a gushing baby? The random photo tagger ruins everybody’s day.

  1. The one who ‘likes’ everything, or the silent stalker 

You know the one, they will like comments on threads completely unrelated to them, they will like photos of a party they weren’t invited to, they will like your activity of Goodreads, they will even like posts from 2009.

7. The Chronic Game Request Sender 

While you love crushing candies, and planting trees, and milking cows on virtual firms, I do nog engage in any of these delightful activities. Is it possible that you play your game without sending me 101 requests? Thanks.

  1. The beats-their-own-drum person or the Self Promoter 

You came first in class. Congratuations! You got the highest in the first assessment of the semester. Good for you! Your teacher said you have bright future. Cool! You went to the toilet all by yourself, today. Keep it to yourself, goddamnit!

9.The Gym Rat 

Working out is great. Keeping fit is awesome. You hit the gym twice a day, that’s great. You have lost a ton of extra weight, good on you, brother! You upload selfies three times in your 30 minute workout session, with a quote by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Please, stop; it was impressive the first time, now you are plain boring us.

  1. The Heartbroken or the Emo 

They will incessantly post lines from “PS I love you”, or “The Notebook”, or something equally corny since the love of their life left them behind and went on to do better things.

  1. The self proclaimed model 

Fancy photographs of their pretty or not so pretty self, taken by their DSLR owner of a friend shows up on your news ever so often, with 1000+ likes – you can’t help but wonder if this person is a minor celebrity of some sort that you haven’t heard of yet? No, not really. Just a whole crowd of people being daft.  Also, love, I would believe you are model if you actually featured anywhere else other than your friend’s “Photography page”.

  1. The annoying couple 

The insanely in love couple who feels the inherent need to update the rest of the world on their minute-to-minute life obsessively. A dinner had, a sleepover had, a conversation shared, is NOT complete according to them, unless they post an update about it. With a mushy photograph. Just so you know, the rest of us are judging you. Thoroughly.




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